Guilt & Greed

Sometimes I feel a little guilty.

The other night as I was taking care of some bills and preparing for taxes, I realized that sometimes I get paid a lot of money to do ridiculous things.   Most recently it was to pretend to be having fun with a bunch of friends out side a bar about to go have a drink. 3 hours later, I walk out with a check that would have taken someone working an entry level position about two month to earn.  That’s when I started to feel a little guilt.  Then I realized that I’m doing this full time and I’m making it!

Today a few agents call me for a few jobs and I turned down jobs that didn’t seem to profitable and was pushing for the gig that would send me to South America for a week.  That familiar feeling of guilt and greed was creeping up on me.  I would ask about how much would I get for the day, how much per diem, if I would be flying business, how is the hotel?,  would I be getting residuals?

I mean I’m just doing business and I guess this is when I started to think, “I worked hard to get here.  Anyone can dream, but it takes time and effort to make it happen.”

All of the days that I wasn’t paid or paid close to nothing for working 12+ hour days.
All of the times a casting director would say no and i would wonder why.
All of the days where I would be running on 0 – 3 hours of sleep per night.
All of the days I would have to lug around wardrobe and be on set by 6am.

Don’t get me wrong, honestly I love it.  But guess what, I also earned it.

But I do thank all of my friends and family, no one has ever doubted or questioned me doing what I do now.  If anything they questioned why haven’t I started sooner.

My question for you is, Do you enjoy what you’re doing?